I am a serial failure
The 5 key lessons that I have learnt from failing over and over again.
Yes you heard me correctly, I am a serial failure. Over and over again, when it comes to relationships, in both my career and personal life, I just keep failing. The positive part about being a serial failure is that I am a force of strength to be reckoned with now. I have learnt more about who I am and what I am capable of doing and surviving, that I honestly feel grateful for failing over and over again.
At the time of each failure, the fall would hurt so much that I never thought that I would be able to stand up again, but here I am standing and standing tall. All of the failures I have had boil down to one thing about myself. I am too trusting too soon. Because I am trustworthy and say what I mean, I have lived a life where I think everyone else is the same. So, when someone says, I love you or I will stand by your side no matter what, guess what….I believe them.
I have trusted people so deeply that I never ever believed they would do wrong by me. People I considered mentors, best friends, soul mates and the list goes on. From this list, I have failed in each category and sometimes more than once in each category too.
Why, is the question really. Why do I trust people when they have not proved themselves to be worthy of my trust. What is deficient in myself? Am I missing the mistrust gene? Why am I so naive, even after being taken advantage of multiple times? Questions that I sit and ponder often, especially after another heart break.
Yes, that correct, another broken heart at age 49! Honestly, I feel sorry for my mother who has spent her life watching her successful daughter be so wrong so many times with people.
On the up side of epic failures comes epic lessons and exponential personal growth. Something that can only come from the times spent in darkness. So, from my darkness comes some light and 5 lessons that I have learned that have changed me and made me who I am today.
- Believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see — Actions are what matter most in life. Peoples actions towards you, towards others and towards themselves matter more than anything they say.
- Trust must be earned not given — Not everyone is worthy of being trusted. Spend time looking at how people have behaved in the past, do they have patterns of behaviour that show they are worth trusting. Spend time looking at yourself and why you give your trust to those who may not deserve it straight away. Are you being a rescuer, a martyr or don’t trust yourself?
- There are warning signs so take off the rose coloured glasses — Hindsight is always a good thing right, well the experiences of failure can actually give you foresight if you choose to take the time to ‘see’. There are always small signals that leave a feeling deep down in your ‘gut’ however we tend to ignore them more often than we should. The signals are there for a reason and should be explored before decisions are made either way.
- Don’t become cynical, become wiser — It is so easy to allow the failures and hurt to change who you are as a person and become a cynic about life. However the greatest gift from all of the failures are the lessons and the wisdom you gain if you choose to use it to make you a better version of yourself.
- Sometimes we must fall in order to grow — How would a skier become better if they did not know how to get up after falling over? How would a tennis player know how to win if this did not know what it felt like to lose? How does anyone become more skilled at anything they do in life. It is generally by failing first and knowing how it feels and knowing that you do not want to feel that way again. This is where the real change happens. You cannot know what you want unless you understand what you don’t want and sometimes, only painful experiences can give us that insight.
This is not rocket science and many have said it before me, however, this time I have chosen to write it down and share it, as knowledge is only power when you give it away and if one person can benefit from my words, then the failure was even more worth it as it has then become a gift.
